Top Signs of a Bad Client

1. You arrive as he's counting out the fee on the top of the dresser from his coin jar; "...$13.35, $13.50, $13.60, $13.65...."
2. You arrive as he's cleaning up for the date - starting from the bottom up, currently @ picking toe-jams.
3. You arrive as he's practicing 'fast-draws' with his pistol in front of a mirror.
4. He asks "Ya' wanna go get drunk first and chase women?"
5. He phones for in-call directions, says "Speak slow, my mom's got arthritis & can't write fast. She's gonna drive me, soon as Sis gets the car home".
6. Appears on bad-client list as #1. (with stars)
7. He starts conversation with "All the other women in this town are worthless. Hope you ain't like them!"
8. He starts conversation with "I'm BigDog, Trav'ler, (or whoever's known) and you better be worth it or you'll never work in this town again."
9. He starts conversation with "I'm WAY important, and I can do GREAT things for your career.".
10. He crawls to answer the door 'cuz he's too drunk to walk.
11. Offers to "take you away from all this" ... (but keep it quiet, don't let his wife find out...)
12. His conversation has NO words in it with more than 4 letters (& most end with "k").