| The Sex Issue
Chicago bares
Our sex survey reveals the naked truth about how our city gets busy.
By Debby Herbenick
We asked about your sex lives-or rather, we begged, pleaded and otherwise seduced you to take our online survey. After all of this,about 1,000 of you gave up the goods. Here's what we learned from our semiscientific study of Chicagoans' sex lives.
Who played along?
Of the nearly 1,000 readers who kissed or licked and told, 57 percent were women and the rest were men (except for two transgender, female-to-male individuals). On average, the women were a little younger than the dirty (in a good way) somewhat older men (31 versus 37 years old)-our youngest one was 19 and the oldest was 68.
Regardless of what you do on the side, 80 percent of you identified as straight, 13 percent as gay or lesbian, and 7 percent as bisexual with a few sprinklings of queer, questioning and "not sure." About half of you were in committed relationships (married, engaged or otherwise locked down), a third were dating around, and the rest were going it alone. While 3 percent of you weren't sure if you had kids (have you never heard of condoms?), most of you (80 percent) didn't have any kids-which is probably why you have the time to not only have so much sex but to go online and tell us about it. And you came from all over Chicago-including the 'burbs. So let's see what you've been up to:
Whom you do it with
34% of men used sex toys this year
Whatever you want to call yourselves, 7 percent of women and 71 percent of men had sex with women in the past year. And 84 percent of women and 31 percent of men (including a few "straight" men) had sex with men. Lots of you got busy with sex toys in the past year, too (71 percent of women, 34 percent of men), but we'll get to that later.
The big O
70% of women have had an orgasm from vaginal intercourse
Like many of you men during your first time, we're jumping straight to orgasm. About 70 percent of women have had an orgasm from vaginal intercourse. As far as the quality of those orgasms, some researchers now believe some feel more relaxing or satisfying than others, and it turns out many Chicagoans agree. We asked women to rate their orgasms on a scale of 1 (least satisfying) to 10 (most satisfying)-not surprising, they were all phenomenal. Self-love (from vibrators, hands, showers, etc.) rated a 7.5, which closely followed vaginal intercourse (7.9), then receiving manual stimulation (8.1). And at the top? Receiving oral sex, at an utterly orgasmic 8.2. It's worth noting that one woman rated vaginal intercourse orgasms at a 10-but said only with her lover, not her husband. Ouch.
How often-together and solo?
Women and men reported they had sex an average of six times in the past month, which is pretty standard for people in their twenties, thirties and forties. Of course, those are just averages-some people didn't have any sex last month, while others were getting it on every day (don't you people have jobs?). When it came to porn and masturbation, men-who, on average, watched porn ten times and masturbated 17 times in the past month-pulled ahead of women, who came in at two times and seven times, respectively.
Turn it on
We asked: "True or false: Orgasms from a vibrator are better than orgasms from a partner." Though 61 percent of women said false, more than a quarter said true and 13 percent felt they were about the same. Women were pretty evenly split when it came to favorite vibrators, with about half opting for a silver bullet or other similar clitoral-only vibrator, and the other half opting for Rabbit-like clitoral/vaginal vibrators. About 10 percent were all about G-spot toys. When it came to whether pocket pussies were a good stand-in for a partner, most men skipped this question or answered, "What the hell is a pocket pussy?" Of those who answered, 8 percent said they'd gladly sub the fake for the real. All I'm going to say on this topic is that the men I have gifted with pocket pussies (a.k.a. masturbation sleeves) love them until they break them (they tear after repeated or vigorous use). The most recent giftee, who was skeptical at first, later wrote a thank-you e-mail that included phrases like "holy crap" and "kudos to science."
Toot your own porn
You were pretty split on your masturbation-53 percent like it dry, the rest lube it up. Porn is only slightly clearer: 58 percent are all about no plot, just sex; 17 percent want a story line; 22 percent didn't have anything against porn but said it wasn't for them, and the rest just disliked porn on moral grounds.
Sex. We like it.
Your favorite part of sex? A whopping 90 percent of you were evenly split between feeling connected to your partner, getting off and giving your partner a good time. A sappy 10 percent of you were most into the "expressing love" part of it. Hope that honeymoon lasts, sugar!
Pole position
People's favorite position was evenly split between doggy style, missionary and woman on top-with a few folks indicating reverse cowgirl/cowboy. Then there were the write-ins. Sure, there were the expected ones (69, seated, standing, side scissors). But I had to give out a few awards, too. Mushiest: a dozen or so "spooning" comments. Most flexible: a tie between the yoga-inspired plow and the split missionary (man on top, woman leg split with one leg over her head). Most theatrical: reverse cowboy/cowgirl "with cowboy boots on." Most athletic: sex while wearing "running shoes for traction." Most Olympic (if you count synchronized swimming): the couple who likes to do it in the pool "so we have floating variations of all of the above." Most curious: something involving an exercise ball (sadly, no details were provided-write me, I want more!). Our favorite: "No preference, whatever delivers for her." (Sigh.)
Was it good for you?
50% of men and women have received anal sex
More than half of you (55 percent) very much enjoy performing oral sex, which is good because it sucks when you're trying to enjoy receiving and your partner looks like he'd rather be watching Flight of the Conchords. Only 4 percent say that giving does nothing for you. More folks (including some of the lazy nongivers) were enthusiastic about receiving it-66 percent enjoyed it very much, only 1 percent not at all, and the rest were in between liking it somewhat or a little. About half of you had ever received anal sex and, of those who had ever gone there, one fifth said they enjoyed it very much. More lube might help the next time. Or a smaller partner. Or not being drunk when you think it's a good idea.
Prostate of the union
If you ask them around their friends, guys often act all weird about the prostate. Like, "Who would want to go down there? Dude, no way!" But when you get them in private-or when you get their partners in private-the stories come out. So we asked you about prostate massage and found that nearly half (43 percent) of you tried it-and liked it. A full quarter of you were prostate-curious. The remaining third were evenly split between those who know what they're missing (tried it and not into it), and those who don't (never done it and say it'll never be on the menu).
Hair's the deal
Two thirds of you groom things down there just enough to avoid oral-sex messiness, while 13 percent of you rock it Telly Savalas-style in your nether regions. The rest of you let it run wild like nature intended, which may mean your partners are getting in their daily flossing. Bravo!
Faux finish
26% of women said they had faked orgasm in the past month
While we're talking about pleasure and enjoyment, let's talk about pretending to have pleasure or enjoyment: 26 percent of women said that they had faked orgasm in the past month. Then again, so did 15 percent of the men. Most people don't believe it when I tell them that men fake, but scientific research studies suggest that about 20 to 30 percent of men have faked, and even here in Chicago it looks like we've got some guys throwing empty condoms into the bin or making a pretend "O" face. Which is all fine, but the same advice goes for both women and men-if you keep pretending you like it, your partner will keep doing the same, horrible, unpleasurable thing.
Going public
64% said they'd had sex in the open
At 64 percent, men and women were equally likely to say that they'd had sex in the open (check out some real public sex stories on page 16). Rarely did the cops get involved (4 percent of women, 1 percent of men). But what about photographic evidence? In the age of digital cameras, you don't have to worry (or, I suppose, get psyched about) what the dude who develops your film will think of you. Thirty-six percent of women and 27 percent of men said they'd taken pictures during sex with a partner. Twenty percent of women and 15 percent of men had made their own sex videos. Shocker, but no women were ever asked by their partner to destroy their sex tapes. Nine percent of men, however, were asked to get rid of the evidence-and 3 percent lied to their partner and secretly kept the video. Which means you might indeed be on XTube.
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